Reassuring Myself

Consoling myself has not ever, ever been an easy thing for me. My thoughts tend to snowball, worry overwhelms me, and my emotions can so easily spiral out of control.

All my life I have relied on various other people to help console me; often just talking about my worries helps a great deal. But that's not always possible; I can't always count on my friends, it's just not possible to have someone there for me 24/7.

So, how the hell do I, at nearly 35 years old, learn to comfort and console myself? It would be a nice measure of independence, I think...and that's a step in the direction I kinda desperately need to go.

Etsy shop - Prices reduced

So, yeah. I'm broke and I need money and my paintings aren't selling so I am reducing the prices in hopes that someone might buy something.

Here are the paintings currently available for purchase:

Empty - $75

http://www.etsy.com/listing/43950763/empty-one-of-a-kind-acrylic-painting

Chasm - $100

http://www.etsy.com/listing/43911937/chasm-one-of-a-kind-acrylic-painting

FUCK - $50

http://www.etsy.com/listing/42266003/fuck-one-of-a-kind-acrylic-painting

Divulsis - $75

http://www.etsy.com/listing/41416928/divulsus-one-of-a-kind-acrylic-painting

My Etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Nebulosus

I Am Okay

I guess it's time to just start pretending that everything is okay, and that I am okay, and to just close off everything inside; because when it comes right down to it, people don't want to deal with other people's shit and that's not something that will ever change, ever.

So I'll grit my teeth and smile and I'll do what everyone else does, because I know everybody else is fucked up too; they've just mastered the art of hiding it and somehow I never learned how to do that.

'Autosarcophagy' in Second Life Showcase

So I was awake unusually early this morning, decided to log into SL for no particular reason, and was just sort of hanging out at my shop (Numinous). I've noticed that I've been getting a LOT of people visiting lately, so I asked a random person how they heard about my place:

[7:01] Nebulosus Severine: hello
[7:01] random person: hi
[7:01] Nebulosus Severine: how did you hear about my shop?
[7:02] Nebulosus Severine: a lot of people have been coming here lately and i'm wondering where they heard about it, lol
[7:02] random person: i heard about it from the Destination Guide
[7:02] Nebulosus Severine: oh?
[7:02] Nebulosus Severine: where is that? haha
[7:02] random person: do you have SL viewer 2?
[7:02] Nebulosus Severine: no
[7:02] Nebulosus Severine: well, i do but i am using the emerald viewer
[7:03] Nebulosus Severine: oh! i'm in the Showcase
[7:03] Nebulosus Severine: holy crap O_O
[7:03] random person: oh, well if you had viewer 2 you could open a menu on the right which would bring up the destination guide
[7:03] random person: yeah pretty much
[7:03] random person: haha
[7:03] Nebulosus Severine: wow XD
[7:04] random person: the guide refers to the scene in the picture behind me
[7:04] Nebulosus Severine: yes :)))
[7:04] random person: in fact that's the picture they were showing
[7:04] Nebulosus Severine: wow!! i wonder how the heck i got nominated for the Showcase!
[7:05] random person: maybe lots of ppl just liked your place, or else whoever makes the showcase happened to like it
[7:05] Nebulosus Severine: maybe :)
[7:05] random person: seems kind of cool so far
[7:05] Nebulosus Severine: thanks for talking to me, haha
[7:05] Nebulosus Severine: aww thanks
[7:05] Nebulosus Severine: well, just click the sign to teleport up there :)
[7:06] random person: will do, thanks

It's actually referring to Autosarcophagy & not my shop, so I hurried to put up a more obvious teleport sign up to the installation. Wow! I wonder how the hell I got into the Showcase!

(teleport, btw: slurl.com/secondlife/Kress/172/88/391)

Edit: Thank you to whoever nominated my build for the Showcase. I needed this little ray of hope more than you could probably imagine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

"If your body were hurting, people would send you flowers, but if your mind is hurting they throw bricks."

- Richard Berendzen, 'Come Here'
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Quote of the Day

"I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds."

-- George Carlin (genius)
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Trying to get back into the swing of things.

I am quickly approaching my 5-year anniversary of arriving in Second Life and a large portion of my time there has been devoted to creative pursuits - learning to build, exploring artistic possibilities, etc.

For the past year or more or so, however, those activities have largely fallen by the wayside. Part of it had to do with the closure of Arthole, naturally. Part of it is likely just the natural ebb and flow of things. I've also gotten back into some painting & drawing again, something I hadn't focused on in a long time. (I've also started listing my art on Etsy - only a few things up there thus far & one sale to a private buyer.)

Sometime in February, I started logging back into Second Life more frequently again; and in the past few months I've spent time rekindling old friendships (& discovering new ones). I've been enjoying SL as a social/exploration activity, and I think I really have needed to recapture the sense of wonder and enjoyment of simply being there.

So, yeah. Lack of sleep has kind of made me forget my original intention of writing a post today, other than to mention that I am trying to get myself back in business, so to speak. I am currently in the (slow) process of re-establishing my Second Life shop, Numinous, which I originally opened back in '05 as a way for me to help raise a bit of money for both my Second Life pursuits and a little extra support to pay first-life bills. I need that income again, so I am putting up some old designs for now while I (hopefully) make new things to sell.

I'm also going to start pursuing the arts in Second Life again soon. I am completely disconnected from the art scene these days, but as always I'll just do my own thing in my own way and hope someone notices/appreciates it. My last installation at Arthole, Autosarcophagy, can still be seen by teleporting within SL to this location, and will be left up there until I make something new:

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Kress/169/89/391

I am hoping my renewed efforts to create things in Second Life are beneficial to my artistic sense of well-being and to my bank account. I hate having to pursue things for the sake of money, but the sad truth of it is that I barely make ends meet with my current job, and I desperately need a car by the end of the year and new computer parts ASAHFP (as soon as humanly fucking possible).

(Location: Immersed in Second Life via my BFFF's computer.)


Oh yeah - I also accept donations -
Via Paypal --

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."

(attr. Blessed Teresa of Calcutta)

So, yeah. My computer's dying, and I need a car by the end of the year. Please buy some of my art, for fuck's sake.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Nebulosus

Fun webpage - ScribblerToo

Picture results from a fun webpage flash thingy called ScribblerToo have been popping up on Flickr lately, so I decided to give it a spin:

This one was done in about 5 minutes with a mouse. Give it a try for yourself!

http://www.zefrank.com/scribbler/scribblertoo/

New Drawing - Plan Your Escape

Plan Your Escape
Ballpoint pen on paper
Approx. 5 in. x 8 in.
(2010)

New drawing

IInnnnaaggaaddddaaddaavviiddaa

Ballpoint pen on paper
Approx. 5 in. x 8 in.
(2010)

New drawing

To The Pain
Ballpoint pen on paper
Approx. 5 in. x 8 in.
(2010)

Saturday walk -- Power Hollow, Enfield CT

See the entire set here:

(If you are unable to view the embedded slideshow, please click here for a direct link.)

'Less Than Human'

Less Than Human

Ballpoint pen on paper
Approx. 11 in. x 8.5 in.
(2010)

"...Must have died a thousand times
I must have died a thousand times
I must have died a thousand times
Feeling less than human
I surmise I'm less than human...

...Must have cried a thousand times
Must have cried a thousand times
I must have cried a thousand times
Feeling less than human
I surmise I'm less than human..."
-- The Chameleons

www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9cN3VWokuM

Recent drawings.

Untitled

Ballpoint pen on paper
Approx. 8.5. in. x 11 in.
(2010)

Untitled
Ballpoint pen on paper
Approx. 5 in. x 4.5 in.
(2010)

Kolnióur
Ballpoint pen on paper
Approx. 4.25 in. x 8.5 in.
(2010)
Notes: This drawing was inspired by the song Kolnióur, on Jónsi's (frontman of the band Sigur Rós) recently released solo album, 'Go.'

I have no idea what the lyrics or the title itself means, so I channeled my own pure raw emotion alone into this one.
Listen here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlB_8TYnt88

I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

- Dr. Egon Spengler, Ghostbusters

Yeah, that.

At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity: idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religous or political ideas.

- Aldous Huxley

Now I finally know what this installation is...

A little over a year ago, when I entered my painting All Loveliness Is Anguish into Hygienic Arts' 2009 Salon des Independants, I took a picture of an installation on a nearby building (with my crappy phone-camera), and at the time I had no idea what it was.

Earlier today, however, I came across an article on Connecticut news site, TheDay.com, about the very same installation:

New London - Two years ago, in a moment of artistic inspiration, Jesse Goode poured orange urethane foam down the side of a vacant upholstery shop on Bank Street and created a community discussion on art and aesthetics.

The Blob, as the abstract mass became known, generated enthusiastic conversation, became a mini tourist draw, inspired a downtown movie night, and was briefly considered for a seat on the City Council.

On Tuesday, 18 months later than originally scheduled, the artwork will come down.

"Although it is impossible to remove the Blob's Spirit from New London folklore, I will be removing the sculpture,'' Goode wrote to friends and supporters on Friday.
At 11:30 a.m. Tuesday he will begin uninstalling the sculpture.

Read the rest of the article here, if you are so inclined:

http://www.theday.com/article/20100403/NWS01/304039884

New painting - 'Empty'

My latest completed painting, Empty -- which I have also just listed for sale on Etsy:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=43950763

Title: Empty

Year: 2010

Dimensions: approx. 11 in. X 16 in.

Media: Acrylic paint, thread, safety pins on canvas

(detail)

(detail)

(Please click here if you are unable to view the embedded slideshow.)