No use

I don't want to fucking feel anymore.

I don't want to desire, or want, or need anymore.

I want to kill off these parts of myself that crave human companionship, or affection, or love, or the need to be fucked. These urges are of no use to me whatsoever.

Fucking DIE.

FUCK you.

Fuck you, Roan.

Suck it up, crybaby

Really, really don't like my life right now. Oh fucking well. There's nothing for me to even say or do anymore except to shrug and suck it the fuck up and just carry on, because it's either that or die. Right about now I prefer the latter. Sick of this shit.

Phase 2 of financial independence - Get a cheap, drive-able car.

Thus far, I have asked for more hours at work by offering to cross-train in other departments as well as open up my availability in what hours I am able to work. Beginning the third week of September, I will begin training to work in the Cafe. Hopefully, I will be able to sustain the extra 10 or so hours a week.

With that, I can begin Phase 2 of moving toward financial independence -- getting a car.

In the next month I plan to quickly stockpile about $500 or so, and enlist the help of knowledgeable friends, to get me a halfway decent car that will at least get me around town so that I won't have to rely on others for rides. That will make it a LOT easier for me to get a second job.

I'm also working more on my Second Life shop to hopefully bring in whatever pennies I can. Autumn's pretty much here and my Halloween items have always sold very well, so I plan to maximize that potential.

I also gratefully accept donations, if you are so inclined.

'Autosarcophagy' closing

I will be dismantling my installation 'Autosarcophagy' next weekend - it will be gone by the end of the day on Sept. 12, so come see it while you still can!

As always, thank you for your support!

Click this SLurl to visit in-world:

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Kress/170/89/391

Canvas

Ad seen in a magazine today:

"An Artist Wouldn't Destroy His Canvas Before Creating A Masterpiece..."

I destroy canvases, before ever applying a drop of paint, on a fairly regular basis. Seems to work for ME.

(Dunno if I'd consider my stuff 'masterpiece' quality, but...you know what I mean.)
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My drawing, The Language of Flowers, published in The Hartford Courant

Several months ago, I submitted some artwork to the iTowns section of The Hartford Courant, a Connecticut newspaper. It prints the work of local artists once a week; and my drawing, The Language of Flowers, was selected for the August 22, 2010 edition.

Past iTowns covers by other artists can be seen here:

courant.com/itownsgallery

Local Connecticut artists can nominate their work here:

www.courant.com/submitcoverart

Life change, Step 1: Financial independence

I've been unfulfilled with my life in many ways for a long, long time and it's about time I started taking charge of my fucking destiny. I know that big changes are imminent to my personal life anyway, so I may as well try to direct the course of things as best as I can.

It's going to be a series of baby-steps probably, but I need to take them instead of just remaining trapped in this misery while life and everything else passes me by.

I came to the conclusion, while talking with some dear close friends over the past couple of days, that the first step I need to make, and probably the most difficult, is achieving Financial Independence. I've never been financially independent in my entire life. I'm far behind on bills and I don't have a car (haven't had one in over two years).

So, the first step I've taken in taking that first step is opening up my work schedule availability so that I can get more hours. Basically, I told the scheduling manager to use me like a bitch. At least I'll be starting to make a bit more money; maybe I'll be able to get a car. Then, maybe I can get a better job, or a second one, or both.

Baby steps.

Also, I'm terrified about my future. Just sayin'.

More weird patterns.

Tonight, probably about 7 people asked me where the restrooms are. I haven't had anyone ask me that in weeks, probably; and now today, everybody and their grandmother has asked me. Why the hell does stuff like that happen?

Also weird: Just today, for no apparent reason, I thought of a semi-regular customer -- her face just popped into my mind. Nobody I see that often, just someone I recognize. Annnnnd about an hour ago, she was in here. Weird.
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I'm Glad You're My Friend Day

Friday the 13th is also I'm Glad You're My Friend Day. So I'm taking this moment to express my gratitude to my friends, whom I love dearly -- I love you all and I don't know how the hell I'd survive without you.

The Voice of Love is Bleeding

I threw together a last-minute installation entitled The Voice of Love is Bleeding in The Cubes section at the Carleon Isle sim in Second Life and it will probably only be up through this coming Wednesday, Aug. 18th.

Do make sure to check out the other Cube installations as well.. a lot of amazing art by amazing artists!

SLurl: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Caerleon%20Isle/40/113/65

For optimal viewing:

Please enable local lighting and set to Midnight.

Fly up and around the space to interact with the installation.

Halloween in July project

Some of my nearest and dearest friends in Second Life frequent, and run, a club called Fracture, and recently my friend Jubilant Quackenbush suggested the idea of having a Halloween in July event.

Jubi and our mutual friend Trinity Halberstadt put their heads together to brainstorm, and I built the creations as I envisioned them. Saturday, we had an epic party, with house DJs Luminis Kanto, Rose Mondalimare, and Fracture-founder Beta Bates!

I took a boatload of pictures:

Slideshow of all the pics:

(click here if you are unable to see the embedded slideshow)

Shark art prank

I happened to catch this on the news this morning:

Papier-mache shark attacks California statue

ARDIFF-BY-THE-SEA, Calif. — A bronze surfer statue near San Diego has been the target of many gags, but never one this big and scary.

Unknown predawn pranksters on Saturday surrounded the roadside statue in Cardiff-by-the-Sea with a papier mache model of a great white shark that appeared to be swallowing it whole.

Crowds of gawkers and photographers gathered around the 16-foot creation after the sun rose.

San Diego County sheriff’s Lt. Tony Ray said no criminal report was filed because there was no damage to the statue.

The $120,000 sculpture called “Magic Carpet Ride” was commissioned by the Cardiff Botanical Society in 2007.

The statue has been bedecked with bras, skirts and witch hats so many times that locals have come to call it “The Cardiff Kook.”

--The Associated Press

Mission accomplished

Got this offline IM today:

[7:40] C******** M*****: (Saved Tue Jul 27 09:03:46 2010) i love your bunny <3 You gave me nightmares .... xoxox

Confusing hairstyle

Um. I just saw a young-ish (early 20s?) guy with an intentional comb-over. Seriously. Most of his head was shaved (so, not actually balding), and the longer, stringy strands of hair were combed over that. I wish I were making this shit up. Oh well, I suppose I could have been hallucinating.

More weird

At work, again. I just sold two Bee Gees CDs to two separate, unrelated customers, in the past couple of hours. Prior to today, I can't remember the last time I sold a Bee Gees CD at all.

Artists' meeting, Push sim, July 24, 2010

A number of Second Life artists met today to discuss the future of collaborative projects in SL (& the metaverse at large), similar to the Brooklyn Is Watching concept.

A new plot of land has been donated for our use, and the meeting today was how to best proceed and continue.

It will be another space in which any artist can rez his or her work for a week at a time without restrictions on content.

The aim is, in part, to restart the practice of doing regular video podcasts & critiques of the work. The space will hopefully allow for performance and multimedia as well.

This meeting has hopefully kick-started a movement that will gain more serious recognition in the "real-life" art world.

Dumbphone

For a Smartphone, my Blackberry is pretty fucking dumb. Can't wait til I can (& can afford to) upgrade. Wanna switch companies, too, because AT&T doesn't offer any really decent phones. Bleh.

Weird

I'm at work. Two customers within the past hour forgot their keys on the register counter. Both were women; both paid for their purchases, left the department, then came back within a few minutes to retrieve their keys. Both sets of keys were left in the exact same spot; and in both cases, I failed to notice that the customer forgot to take her keys with her (I would have mentioned it), and I notice almost everything.

When I saw the second woman re-entering the department, the thought crossed my mind for a nanosecond, 'Wouldn't it be funny if she forgot her keys, too?' And sure enough, that's exactly what had happened.

That sort of thing VERY rarely happens, and tonight it happened twice in an hour? What the hell, haha. If it happens a third time, it'll be sort of freaky. Life is sometimes weird.

Newark Is Burning

Arahan Claveau's machinima response to the recent events surrounding Newark Is Watching: