Monday, July 19, 2010
Unwanted
Seems that if I didn't pester the fuck out of people to spend time with me, then nobody ever would. I'm sick of having to basically beg people to be with me. If I'm that unwanted, then I'll just disappear. Sorry to be such a pain in the ass. Am I THAT repellent? Why doesn't anybody fucking want me? Maybe someday, someone will choose ME, but I fucking doubt it. For 35 years I have been passed over, why the hell should that change? I know people LIKE me well enough, but not enough to be chosen over others. I guess I just don't have that kind of charisma. In fact, I must have the opposite of that.
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1 comment:
I've been following your self-indulgent, self-pitying Tragically Misunderstood Artist posts for awhile now.
Since you are publicizing these cries for help, you'll have to endure responses that indicate that maybe you're the source of your own problems.
I can't help thinking that if you had children, or aging parents, or a volunteer job to help disabled people, or *something* outside yourself that required you to function without reference to your own wants and pleasures, you might do a lot better. Yet I can't really artificially propose that you go and acquire some sort of volunteer job like that because you're unlikely to get one in the state you're in.
I'd say judging from the sound of of your externalized interior monologue here that you are depressed, you need the help of a professional, and you need meds adjustment or initiation.
But over the Internet, people can't make diagnoses.
You've been spewing this negativity and self-pity and laceration for some time now. Is it helping? Do people come rushing and saying "oh, noes, in fact we love and want you" when you pull these attention-getting stunts?
You're 35, not 17. Do you have a job? Do you a parents, neighbours, people in need you know about to visit and help? It's a tiny thing, but it's a start. Help others, help yourself.
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