I think that, as an artist, I am a bit similar to one of the working dog breeds - like an Australian Shepherd or a Border Collie, who require more activity and mental stimulation than other dogs -- in the sense that I NEED to have something to do. I need a project, I need something to keep me busy, I need a focus, I need to WORK on things to stay sane.
I think the fact that I have too much free time on my hands, & too little direction/focus lately, is a major contributing factor to my recent horrible, crushing moods & psychosis.
I used to be so very much involved with many projects in Second Life and that was GOOD for me. As an artist, one of the only ways I truly feel fulfilled is when I'm creating. When I am unable to do that for whatever reason, I always suffer. When I am also going through emotional crisis, it's only made that much worse. I can sometimes channel my feelings into art, which is cathartic and pacifying; but sometimes the emotions are too overwhelming and I'm simply paralyzed by them. That in turn makes me even more frustrated, and it snowballs from there...
I want to get more involved again. But I don't know where to begin or how to start or anything. I'm lost. I spend so much time wasting time that the casual observer might think I'm a slacker, or lazy... and I am sometimes, but the truth is that I DESPERATELY NEED WORK. I need motivation and passion and direction again. I need it like I need air.