Friday, June 12, 2009

Why

There are times that I feel like just walking away from all of this -- Second Life, an art career, stuff like that.

I can't help but wonder: what is the point of it all?

Do I really have anything important or significant to say to the world? I mean, really?

I struggle with the notion that my work is mediocre at best, for the most part; and that I just can't hack it. I feel some joy at minor accomplishments & small victories, but it's not enough; I am unfulfilled. I keep trying, but I'm still left feeling empty. I'm not satisfied.

Plenty of artists & creative people are perfectly content to retread familiar art territory; and plenty of good, even GREAT art comes out of that process. But that's not enough for me. I struggle to find something NEW, to discover something that has never been seen or done before. Second Life art is a start, but... it doesn't quite fill that void yet for me, not yet anyway.

And even if I found sudden success in that respect -- What the hell would I do with the whole art world rat-race anyway? I couldn't handle that, at least not now, as I am.

These are all simply rhetorical questions; the only answers I can really expect are from myself, and with time.

I'm not giving up, I CAN'T give up. Just having an existential crisis, again. Questioning, re-examining, searching, wondering, thinking.

Shadow Self - B&W/monochrome

5 comments:

Arahan Claveau said...

I think in the end you answered all your own questions there. Those feelings of doubt, questioning oneself etc. are not unusual, particularly if you're talented, which you undoubtedly are. But you know things come in waves, and really you've had a lot of positive stuff happening lately, it's all just a matter of how you perceive it and deal with it.

As far as SL goes, the medium is only just starting to get serious attention. We're part of an emerging art form and I think we've both been involved with some great cross-reality events, like the shows with PLANETART.

I notice many people that are very enthusiastic about your work, some have even gone on to commission you, and you're currently exhibiting in a gallery space too.

All of this should tell you something.

Vanessa Tanith VanAlstyne said...

You're awesome Neb, and i 2nd everything Arahan said. Most of the art world is still MOSTLY scared of computers, it'll get better. just keep going.

Red Flashlight said...

That's what it's all about, no? It proves you're awake.

Penumbracarter said...

Almost two years ago I watched someone fall down and die within 20 minutes, in my excercise class of all places LOL. There and then I decided I have to do what I think I need to do in life, no matter the outcome. I dont think your doubting your self, your asking Why? and how does it fit in the grand scheme of things. I have resigned myself just to do the best I can. I too look at my canvas, since I am mostly a painter, and have the days of "who gives a shit about this":) Then I tell myself that I do and thats enough, not to say that I have to debate myself about it LOL. Then I put some tunes on and keep truckin, gotta keep mooven onnnn. Singing a little Grateful Dead there:)

Penumbracarter said...

Ohh like the Grateful Dead's song Box of Rain too, it lifts me out of the hyper-existential multi dimensional chain me to your rock Sisyphus frame of mind LOL